THE CLOUDY CROWD

The dour damsel
Jade Lowbar
once ran a Cynic Clinic

Which marketed to
optimists Jade’s
“Cynic Fixaminic.”

Half-empty cups
were all Jade offered
to her sunny guests

In hopes they’d look
back and agree
that “What Was” was the best.

As time went on
Jade’s blue drink grew
famous with blue folks
…then others, too…

To not be happy
got sooo cool
it got too cool for
kids in school.

So Jade shelved plans
for “Grown and Groan”
her new sad syrup because

Adults didn’t need
and kids didn’t want
help celebrating “What Was.”

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THE NAMING CONVENTION

Nick Name monikered all he met
with handles that explained
what were the things he noticed
that stuck most to Nick Name’s brain.

He’d say, “There goes Steamboat Sally
here comes Ragamuffin Joe!”
and Beany Fred and Jolly Jed
who if you saw you’d know

by those handles Nick Name issued
to organize his world
from Exotic Esmerelda
to the famed Non-Descript Girl.

SPUR CRAZY

Fewer things more than The Duke on a Schwinn embody what it means  to be Conveniently Texan

Fewer things more
than The Duke on a Schwinn
embody the meaning
of Conveniently Texan

I got boots for fightin’ brutes
but love to sip from champagne flutes,
I get burrs on my spurs
but have a closet fulla’ furs.

There’s a Stetson on my head
on my belt a giant buckle,
but the aftershave I wear
comes from lovely honeysuckle.

Mama had me on the banks
of the mighty Rio Grande
but the outdoor life is one
of which I’ve never been a fan.

Rassle me from the Lone Star State
if you think you can
but if there’s one charge I won’t fight,
it’s I’m conveniently Tex-an.

SAND HASSLE

Go away birdies
leave me be,
I want to relax
here by the sea,
But your pecking is creepy
your breath smells like gill,
I want to sleep
and your cawing is shrill.
So go away birdies
go fly away,
there are no crackers here,
no reason to stay.

bird_venicebeach_og

“Early Bird of Venice Beach” (Photo: PaC)

MANTISIZING

For what does the poolside mantis pray?

An umbrella drink,

A chameleon who’ll play?

Some clouds to give shade

From the heat of the day?

The salty breeze

Of a distant bay?

To escape the view

Of the hungry blue jay?

The showers of April

The flowers of May?

The observers’ wonder

But the mantis won’t say

For if anything what

By the poolside he prays.

prayingmantis_pac_edit

(Photo: PaC)

CAN’T BE LICKED

All day I could eat ice cream

Then still have more at night

To say there is a time I can’t eat ice cream

is not right.

That’s why in all my belt loops

I hook on sixteen spoons,

It’s why at my house there’s

Ten freezers in each room

And toppings stashed inside the pocket

Of each coat I own

And why I’m working on a way

To eat ice cream through my phone.

Ice cream may not be perfect

But it’s very very close

So to sundaes, cones, and chipwiches,

Let’s raise an ice cream toast.

licked_edit

BuccanAir

The Pilot Pirate

flies a peg-leg plane.

The Pilot Pirate

keeps booty on the brain.

The Pilot Pirate

has a sneaky parakeet,

who’d rather have an aisle

than a window seat.

The Pilot Pirate

navigates sea and air.

The Pilot Pirate

doesn’t have a care.

The Pilot Pirate

makes the world his lair,

soaring and swording

and ARRRR-ing everywhere.

The Pilot Pirate

wears an eye patch,

and when putting it on, yells,

“Batten down the hatch!”

The Pilot Pirate

goes fast but doesn’t run,

because swashbuckling sweaty

ruins the fun.

Screen Shot 2016-08-19 at 11.56.58 PM

This photo first appeared on Instagram.  For more like it, click here.

letter perfeCt

Coelacanth
scimitar
sconce and crèche
are words in which you can see

A flexible fungible
letter with moxie,
the magical malleable
letter C.

It’s silent it’s loud
it’s subtle it’s proud
it comes after A and B,

Coy crazy clandestine
Cantankerous cirrus
The bendable mendable
letter C.

A coelacanth is a famous fish from the Indian Ocean, which borders on Asia — where curved swords called scimitars were created.

UNBE-C-ABLE: Coelacanths are famous fish from the Indian Ocean, which borders on Asia, where curved swords called scimitars were created. (Illustration by PaC)

BE RINDFUL

One small boy
can handle an apple,
A peach, a pear,
the largest strawberry.

One girl can devour
an orange, a fig,
a pile of dates
or even blueberries.

Between two pals
A giant grapefruit
or a big bunch of grapes
won’t very long last.

Among a few people
a bowlful of raisins
Or a pound of cherries
will be gone fast.

But above the rest
is one social fruit
That can only be consumed
by a large group that’s gelling,

Because like a village
raising a child
It takes a whole team
to eat one watermelon.

BIG BREAK

Half way through October
Columbus is my best friend
For his famous trip that led us to
A three day-long weekend.

The next month comes the long weekend
When three days turn to four:
When we say, “Thanks, Thanksgiving,
For serving us that much more!”

There’s the great week-long weekends in
December and the spring,
They make me smile, yes,
But only one weekend makes me sing:

It begins the day that school lets out
Sending fun into high gear:
It’s the biggest best break ever,
The Longest Weekend of the Year.

At the start of it the end of it
Looks way further away
Than the New World looked from Europe
On an explorer’s set-sail day.

On this magical most-long weekend
That lasts a quarter year
You don’t need navigation,
It’s permissible to veer

From late nights to slow mornings,
There’s no brakes on this big break:
The Longest Weekend of the Year
Means having and eating your cake.

And when sadly in late August
The Longest Weekend ends
You’ll appreciate again Columbus,
Our three-day-gifting friend.

RADIO QUESO

On my Milwaukee Talkie
I can hear Racine,
And Green Bay and Kenosha,
And all the points between.

I can keep up on the Badgers,
The Brewers and the Pack,
And if for the 10000th time
Brett Favre is coming back.

On my Milwaukee Talkie
I love to talk up Pabst,
And how I don’t like the first name
Of Minnesota Fats.

The Bucks, Laverne and Shirley,
Alice Cooper, Happy Days,
have made the world talk about
Dear old Mill-ee-waugh-kay.

But if it’s not enough for you
To only hear about it,
If you need a special way
To celebrate and tout it

Then get and keep your own
Milwaukee Talkie by your bed
And before you sleep each night
Tune in to Channel Cheesehead.

Artist rendering of a Milwalky-Talky, produced by SONY subsidiary WISCONY.

Artist rendering of a Milwalky-Talky, produced by SONY subsidiary WISCONY.

A SWEET SITUATION

Don’t make me eat these donuts
Because I will, I swear
It may be almost dinnertime
But I don’t even care.

I’ll take down the powdered sugars,
All the crullers and old-fashioneds
With no concern how it offends
Those potatoes that you’re mashing

‘Cause I feel a little nuts and
Upsetting spuds won’t hold me back
From irrationally ingesting
A giant donut stack.

Will my appetite be ruined?
Let’s just say I’ll take that chance.
In this game of donut chicken
Try and push me and we’ll dance.

Click on the photo of JFK - here, stopping for donuts at a West Virginia store in 1960 - for more great HistoryinPics. (Photo: HistoryinPics)

Click on the photo of JFK – here, stopping for donuts at a West Virginia store in 1960 – for more great HistoryinPics. (Photo: HistoryinPics)

STRING DANCER

I want to run away
You can think me a fool
I want to leave this place and join
An elite Yo-Yo School,

I want the finger magic
The skill to twirl and flick
How making disk and string obey me
Would be plain epic,

The Walk the Dogs
And Elevators
Eiffel Towers
Alligators
Cradled Cats
And Rounded Corners
Twinkled Toes
And Jolly Mourners,

Imagine all these parlor shows
That will reside in my elbows,
Wrist and palm and thumb combos
Yos flying high, yos digging low,

For the knowledge I will need
For the lessons that I crave
For a mastery of Yo
I will gladly be a slave,

Years of study it may take
Perhaps a decade, that’s a fact
But like a yo
After I go
If I do right
I will be back.

EIGHN’T THAT THE TRUTH

Mom’s a driver, hand on the van
Mom’s a cook, hand on the pan
Mom’s a shopper, hand on the bread
Mom’s a tailor, hand on the thread
Mom’s a scrubber, hand on the towel
Mom’s a builder, hand on the trowel
Mom’s a math whiz, hand on the bills
Mom’s a doctor, hand on the pills.
It all proves that
Mom’s part octopus:
At least eight-handed
Looking after us.

ROUND AND ROUND

My sister’s dance recycle was held this afternoon
The open was a fresh take on the classic “Brigadoon.”
The ballerinas stole Act II updating “Claire de Loon”,
Next came a Modern version of “The Ballad of Rocky Raccoon.”
Throughout it all I snacked on extra crunchy Lorna Doones,
Which the Tap Dance Troop’s clicks covered to a new “Angelina, Zooma-Zoom.”

From where this event got its name,
at first I had no clue:
There were no boogeying bottles or can-canning cans.
But after seeing the old songs
rethunk, reduced, and reused
“Dance Recycle” is now a name I understand.

recycle_edit

PADIDDLE AND SKEDADDLE

Skedaddle whistles
To move along Padiddle
Who cannot decipher
The Hurry-Up Riddle

of faster, quicker,
sooner, more,
of pick up your feet
and get out the door.

When Skedaddle says
Hurry!
Padiddle says
Don’t worry.

If Padiddle wonders,
Why rush?
Skedaddle says,
Hush!

When Skedaddle asks
How should we go?
Padiddle answers,
Definitely Slow.

If Padiddle refuses
to move fast
Skedaddle’s expression
becomes aghast.

If they were horses
Skedaddle’d be at the battle
while Padiddle lagged back
fixing his saddle.

The Airship Padiddle
would relax at the gate
while Skedaddle soared off
from the chance to be late.

Though their names sound alike
Padiddle
Skedaddle
they work no more the same
than a fiddle and rattle.