SOMETHING TO CHEW

Oh what’s there to do
With Bob Poopadoo?

His name is funnier
Than “Timbuktu”

It sounds like a creature
Who lives in a zoo:

“Come see the Poopadoo, kids,
from the Land of Zamboo!”

And yet Bob is just
A regular guy

He can’t sleep underwater,
Or do cartwheels in the sky,

When he’s happy, he laughs,
When he’s sad, he cries,

He puts on his pants,
One leg at a time.

While on paper, yes,
He looks different, it’s true,

He’s no more strange,
Than me or you.

So perhaps when it comes
To Bob Poopadoo,

About nothing,
There’s really much ado.

Poopadoo

gateWay to Wednesday

W is twice the U

of what the letter U can be,

exactly double the U

of that guy just left of V.

True, U may be one of just five

a vowel like E-I-O,

but among letters only

W comes stereo:

with a U on either side of you

for lovely surround sound

of the doubly-U-est letter

living in Alphabetowne.

W_edit

FUNNY QUESTION

With a story
a folly
a costume
a song,
a card trick
a pratfall
a spitball
a gong,

A knock knock joke
a whoopy cushion
a riddle
or some mimicking,
a robot dance
an animal noise
tickling
or limericking,

Whether in a large group
or alone with one other
with a thing that you did
or a prank that you played,

In a way that was carefree
but never uncaring
did you make someone
laugh today?

Only from a humor loving mind like Ed Sabol's (above) could the world's first football follies have sprung.

THE MAN WHO MADE THE FOOTBALL FOLLIES: NFL Films Founder Ed Sabol

SONG of SATURDAY

Clockventure, blockventure:
spend time to build towers.

Barefeetventure, carefreeventure:
no shoes means fun hours.

Dirtventures, wordventures:
dig a crossword a day,

Rockventure, dockventure:
anchors aweigh!

Of all size adventures:
“adbigs” to “adtads”

Only the nonventured ventures
are bad.

DEEP SEA PURPLE - Nothing says "weekend" quite like FDR having a smoke on the water. (Photo unknown)

DEEP SEA PURPLE – Nothing says “weekend” quite like FDR having a smoke on the water. (Photog unknown)

SPICE WAR

It stampeded our fridge
the elephant garlic
and it simply cannot be contained.

First the plastic wrap failed
Then the rubber seals wailed
while the powerful funk has remained.

We washed down with water
As hot as white plasma
And vinegar (that had its own smell).

Still the garlicy musk
Pierces like a sharp tusk
Would through the old Liberty Bell.

But oh, what will free
Our air from this odor
Of garlic that’s making us sick?

Perhaps the stampede of
An actual elephant, in this case,
Would do just the trick.

HOLY BIRD

In our yard
a bird of pray
landed so discreetly.

I watched him stretch
his praying wings
then fold them up so neatly.

Of all the birds I ever seen
I never seen one looked so mean
or one who asked me from his perch,

“It seems I’m lost. Which way’s the church?”

Click above on the feasting flyer to flip to a story of a suburban bird love triangle.

Click above on the feasting flyer to flip to a story of a suburban bird love triangle. (Photo: PaC)

O’NO!

No business card order
made Jim’s Print Shop squirm
like the monthly one from
the Dublin law firm

of “O’Billy, O’Biley, O’Riley, O’Connell,
MacDougal, MacTavish, MacCabbage, MacDonald,
Kilkenny, Kilpatrick, Fitzpatrick, Kilboyle,
McLanahan, Shanahan, Flanagan, Doyle.”

So many Dubliners would make almost any Jim's head spin.

So many Dubliners would make almost any Jim’s head spin. (Photo: PaC)

GRIDDILICULOUS

Halfway through making pancakes
Pop Pop discovered
we had no maple syrup
inside our cupboard.

“But don’t worry,” Pop Pop said,
“now’s our chance to create
savory pancakes.
Oh boy, will this be great!

“Just imagine our options,”
Pop Pop cried from the stove.
“We can season’em with garlic
or basil, or cloves!

“We can mix in anchovies
and it won’t be odd!
We can use pesto, pepper
or olive tapenade!”

My brother and I
didn’t know what to say.
Pop Pop was so excited,
this was making his day.

He kept flipping pancakes
on and off of the griddle,
while suggesting side dishes
like Beef Jerky Brittle.

That’s when Mom walked in with
some bags from the store.
“We needed syrup,” she said,
“So I went to buy more.”

“Oh well,” Pop Pop said smiling,
“Savory pancakes must wait.”
“Gee, Pop,” I said, “too bad.
They were gonna’ be great.”

 

ON THE FLY

“No one likes a fly,”
said the Fly with a sigh.
“No matter what I try,
they shoo me into the sky.”

“Hogwash,” said a voice, followed by a tap.
“Come tell me your story, come sit on my lap.
Sounds like you, Fly, have received a bad rap.”
“Who’re you?” asked the Fly. “Why, I” the voice said, “am the Venus Fly Trap.”
MUNCH!

RAINBROKEN

Red is dead,
Green can’t be seen,
Blue’s invisiblue,
Orange is gone, too.
Yellow, fine fellow,
And Purple have failed.
So the last working part of my markers
 — sniffle –
The caps
— sniffle, sniffle –
are for sale.

(Photo:PaC)

ALL THAT YOU CAP LEAVE BEHIND — In the world of markers, caplessness is next to colorlessness.(Photo:PaC)

LAMENT OF THE ART SCHOOL FLUNKEE

How I wish I could draw
something more than a saw
or a hammer’s blunt butt
or its backside, the claw.
My paintings are messy
and sculpture all lumpy,
the sweaters I knit
make their wearers look frumpy.
By far my sketchpad
is my art at its best
and at best it looks like
a burnt scrambled egg mess.
The needlepoint, woodwork
and origami I’ve tried
Have not earned even one
complimentary lie.
So I’ll stick to my pen
and make it make words
and stop drawing things like
flocks of V-line birds.

 

FLOCK OF V-GULLS : A failsome foursome by The Art School Flunkee

HOOT TO BLAME

Jimmy blames the neighbor’s dog
Janie blames her sore toe
Billy blames the creaky floors
Brenda blames El Niño.
Katie blames tectonic plates
Kurt blames daylight savings
Paul blames operator error
Pam blames riboflavin.

Who knows for sure which blame is real
and which is full of fizz,
or why so many folks get kicks
from the finger pointing biz.

DUTCHFINGER - A very close look at a hand on one of the statues that depict in three dimensions Rembrandt's "The Night Watch" - Rembrandt Square, Amsterdam (PHOTO: PaC)

DUTCHFINGER – A very close look at a hand on one of the statues that depict in three dimensions Rembrandt’s “The Night Watch” – Rembrandt Square: Amsterdam, The Netherlands (PHOTO: PaC)

FAR OUT LANDS

Dad’s gone on a trip
to the land of Sweeten,
and we just can’t imagine
all the sugar that he’s eatin’!

He says the Sweetish countryside
is like none you’ve seen.
So I just bet it’s miles and miles
made of cake and jelly beans.

And where the Sweetish lands end
Dad says on one side is Finland.
Where I’m sure the locals swim well
being that they’re Fin-men.

Dad also said the other side
of Sweeten’s known as Norway.
(The Neitherlands oughta be part of that,
Maybe it will someday.)

Why some places are called what
often is a mystery,
but not Norway, Finland, or Sweeten,
the clearest named places in history.

THE FOREST FOR THE CHEESE

–Do you like tacos?

                        –Absolutely no way!

–How about shredded cheese?

                        –Sure.  I eat that every day.

–What about nacho chips?

                        –Yup, I love how they crunch.

–Tomatoes?  Beef?

                        –Sounds like a great lunch!

–Last call:  lettuce … salsa?

                        —Yes! Got guac?

–No, but how about a taco?

                        –I’d rather eat a sock.

 

THE GOOD KIND OF LANGUAGE BARRIER

Take care placing words
where they may not belong,
just because they sound right
doesn’t mean they’re not wrong.

Like calling himself ‘Neato’
won’t make a mosquito that,
any more than a kumquat
is a female wombat.

FISH THE FUZZ GETS FUZZY WITH PHISH - On Halloween, 2013, then 92-year old actor Abe Vigoda wrote a new chapter in the rich history of Atlantic City's Boardwalk Hall when he danced on-stage in a wombat suit during a performance by the rock band Phish.  Click on the photo to see the artist also known as Sal Tessio get down with Vermont's Phinest.

FISH THE FUZZ FUZZY WITH PHISH – On Halloween, 2013, then 92-year old actor Abe Vigoda wrote a new chapter in the rich history of Atlantic City’s Boardwalk Hall when he danced on-stage in a wombat suit during a performance by the rock band Phish. Click on the photo to see the artist also known as Sal Tessio get down with Vermont’s Phinest.